Fierce Rawthorne

A note, first: I feel much better about the Stucky now, a week after I started writing this entry! But the fact remains... I don't think I have ever been so crabby about posting something in my entire fanfic career. I was so mad at it for several days straight that all I could do was laugh at myself for how stupid I felt. (Part of feeling like shit about it is definitely all the hours I've been working since July plus training the new people leaving me no mental space to think very hard about writing. Bah.)

I didn't want to post all in one go because I didn't want the longest fic I've ever finished and one I'd spent an entire year working on - more than a year, really, since I started outlining it in May 2023 - just immediately disappearing in a busy ship tag. This has happened to me nearly every time I write a popular ship and is thus one of the reasons I usually don't bother with big fandoms. I wind up disappointed every single time. This is a me problem and I understand that but sometimes you just have to let yourself be annoyed about stuff.

Anyway, I planned out posting four chapters a week for a month working up to my WIP Big Bang full reveal date that's now next weekend - thinking cool, that gives me time to do some final editing before posting on Fridays and Saturday, and hopefully collect some subscribers. Except after a week I would just look at the binder and think, "I don't even want to open this." (Plus, every time I'm in the mood to edit at home, the old lady kitty wants to sit on my lap - and she is old so I am not going to deny her cuddles.)

So now I am still several chapters behind in my posting BUT once I got to the chapter where Steve and Bucky actually start to have feelings, it picked up a lot more subscribers, which eased some of my annoyance. Also we're finally done training people at work for a while, so even though I'm still on twelve-hour shifts for the next week or two (the second shift person is out on a medical leave), I'm not trying to talk for several hours straight or figure out training projects.

Enough of all that: For the last couple months I have been writing - like half a sentence at a time - a Matt/Ben based on those pictures of them as teens with the matching pukka shell necklaces, and yesterday my writer's block lifted like a black cloud being blown away, so I finished this!! The first Matt/Ben thing I have written in probably twenty years.

( Work, yet again. )

Bennifer breakup yet again!! Sadness!! 900 million Matt/Ben references suddenly everywhere: rather delightful. Although I have no idea what that ask I got on tumblr was really supposed to mean.

I have zero brain for writing lately and I know it's a combo of all the working plus finishing the Stucky epic (currently in editing, when I feel like editing) - I plan to start posting it on the 20th a couple chapters a week so that I finish posting on October 20th, my WIP Big Bang posting date.

I also haven't kept up with my usual Yuletide possibilities spreadsheet since February and I feel very meh about it right now, but that doesn't mean I will still feel meh about it come signups, so I guess I should at least attempt some nominations. I rewatched The Martian twice in a row a few weeks ago so that's still floating around in my brain.

Lately my after-work shows have been House (only an episode at a time or I have weird medical dreams), re-watching season one of 9-1-1, and The Larry Sanders Show from the 90s. I see the House/Wilson but I'm also not sure I could actually write House in the right fashion. And 9-1-1 fandom just looks too insane to want to wade into any of that!

Tonight I bought a ticket to The Last Duel for Thursday night. I'm hoping I'm the only person in the cinema, so that I can livetweet every single ridiculous acting choice Ben Affleck makes. (The reviews are amazingly hilarious.) I'm so excited.

It's squash season again so I am eating spaghetti squash constantly, which I am 100% fine with. Why is it the most delicious non-pasta thing to eat with various tomato sauces and/or cheeses? I had a batch of turkey meat spaghetti sauce (made with half a bottle of wine, no way it couldn't be delicious) that made several meals' worth even though I scaled it back significantly, and thawed the last container of tonight to eat in a squash boat with provolone broiled on top. (I did zucchini boats with it last week - good but not as good as spaghetti squash.) Earlier this week I made a spicy tomato and zucchini sauce, and half got shakshuka'ed and half got put into half a squash - all delicious. I found a chicken meatballs in bourbon mustard sauce recipe that I want to make just as a sauce (with mushrooms added) and not form the chicken into meatballs, and put that over the squash, and also a saffron chicken ragu recipe I want to try. I ordered stuff to do the bourbon sauce in my next grocery delivery, so that will be first. I am trying to eat some sort of vegetable with every lunch and dinner, and mostly succeeding. We did have pizza for a co-worker's birthday today at lunch but I only eat pizza once or twice a month, so I will let tomato sauce and mushrooms count as my vegetables for that.

I have asked for my Admirals 21-22 season tickets to be refunded. Not only is their COVID policy COMPLETE shit (it's just "wear a mask if you want", not even "unvaccinated people must wear a mask"), but there's a new bag policy where you can't bring anything larger than a wallet - so no purses, and there's not even a clear bag option - and the closer parking lot is closed for the entire season due to construction. Fuck that, I can't freakin' walk from the further parking lots in the middle of winter when it's freezing! That right there would have been a reason not to renew if they'd said ahead of time that the lot would be closed. Anyway, the head ticketing guy said on Monday he wasn't trying to put off giving me a refund but that he wanted to have discussions around the office about the points I brought up, and would get back to me Thursday morning - aaaaand no one has gotten back to me. It doesn't take a week to decide if you're going to give me a refund, ticket guy! Now you're just ensuring that I quit your team entirely, dude, and never go to another Admirals game ever.

Work is... well, every week just feels long these days. There are always about ten students on COVID quarantine in the dorms. Everyone tries to act like it's a normal school year but clearly it's not. Also we were last in state schools for vaccination rates and - ding! - it was partially because our students just dgaf and didn't upload their vax info. Once there was a big push reminding them, our rate went up 12%.